The Mommy Learning Curve (I am confident that this will be a recurring theme)

LESSON: Don’t make assumptions about what your child will be able to figure out and at what point.

My daughter (like most babies) likes to open drawers, then take out and inspect it’s contents. One of her favorite drawers is the one where I keep all my makeup, hairbrushes, etc... It is especially exciting for her since she only gets to “play” in the bathroom when someone else is in the room getting ready. It becomes like a baby Disney World as a result of it’s forbidden nature. Today she discovered the lipsticks. She held them, banged them on the floor and, of course, stuck them in her mouth. “It will be fine,” I thought, “she doesn’t know how to take the top off yet... ” Until she did. “Still okay,” I reasoned, “surely she won’t figure out how to turn the bottom and raise the lipstick to a usable level.” Famous last thoughts. Certainly the thoughts of a rookie mom. Because sure enough, the next moment found the lipstick exposed. Now in the hands of a toddler, this is usually a humorous moment as they try to apply lipstick to their face in the manner they have seen adults do it...but, in the  hands of a one year old? Yep, you guessed it. Ate it like it was a Popsicle. I was too slow. Probably slowed down by my surety that she could not accomplish this task yet. Of course I could not retrieve the chunk of wax out of her mouth, since messing with her mouth invites her indignation. So for now, I shall be on the lookout for the poopy diaper dressed up with Revlon Apricot Fantasy.

A short collection of things I have found to be true

Anecdotes, directives, lessons (some deep, some not) and the like that I have found on life’s journey. It could also be called “A rip-off of some (only some) of my best FB stuff, repackaged on my blog.”

Every family is comprised of the members you introduce and the ones you “explain.”
 

If someone means something to you, tell them. Don’t give yourself the regret of never having said it, or deprive them the joy of hearing it. 

When choosing a fitness class, look for the instructor that is ripped... And preferably one that is x-military. Otherwise you might have someone who pulls out dusty moves such as the grapevine. If you want to change your life, you want the instructor who will make you beg for said life. Unless you don’t want to sweat. Or have your makeup run. In which case you need to go to MY bootcamp. (Say it with me...the gym is sacred ground. Don’t come unless you are serious.)
 
Don’t ask someone “Notice anything?” after finishing a project. Odds are good they will find five things you were not asking about while missing the issue of concern entirely. This is especially unwise if you, like me, belong to the perfectionist club.

Be advised that when someone asks you for spiritual accountability ultimately they are asking you if you are willing to sacrifice the friendship to deliver the truth. Because people want accountability until they don’t. It is always this moment where accountability is most needed and most critical.

There exists soiled diapers for which there is no strategy.

When you know someone really well, you can find yourself being mad at them for what you know for a fact they are thinking even when they haven’t said or done anything. One of life’s beauties. 

The middle lanes on the freeway are the suicide lanes. If something tragic happens, you have nowhere to go except into traffic. Best to stay far left or far right. ;) I am morbid enough to mull this fact over every time I find myself driving the middle.

Unless you are a gourmet cook or at least someone who loves cooking, it is best to limit your new recipe searches to those recipes that are a page or less. Anything more and you will want to use those kitchen utensils for purposes they were not intended.

If you’re not laughing, you’re crying. Okay, that one is my dad’s. Truest thing. Laughter has been our balm through some of the roughest times. You must also realize that being someone who believes this means you will often wear the mantle of irreverence. Welcome.

Even the most minor of damage to a car will not be cheap. You can not spit on a car for less than $100. If you don’t know this fact, God bless you, you lucky soul. (Better to read it in a stranger’s blog than live it.)

It is one thing to get something out of your life. The real work is getting it out of your head.

Age steadies instinct.

God did not give man the intelligence to invent cell phones so that you could talk on the phone while simultaneously being on the toilet. That is just messed up. ‘Nuff said.

 

to be continued...