Monday, May 17, 2010

(Musings of a first time Mom-to-be) You know you're really pregnant when....

There is no such thing as comfortable underwear. (Seriously, I have tried.)

You realize you really took bending over for granted.

You can't wait to tie your own shoes again.

You can't stop the onslaught of
commentary from complete strangers, most of whom seem to work behind a register.

E.g: The cashier at Home Depot told me, unsolicited, that she was sure I would have an 8 lb-er. Wow, an expert at lumber and birth weights! Lucky me!

The saleswoman at Gymboree took one look at my ninth month belly and said, "Please don't have the baby here."
Believe me, given her panic, I was praying harder than she that the baby would wait for a better time.

You find yourself rating social events not on the kind of time you are having
but rather how equipped the people you are with will be in getting you to the hospital should the baby decide to surprise everyone.

Buttons and zippers seem like a dream.

You understand how it feels to be 85 years old.

You feel lucky that one pair of shoes still fits. (I currently live in my running shoes. By default, they now go with everything.)

Eating a meal feels more like Russian Roulette.

You are pretty sure the term "nursing bra" is a misnomer. Body armor or military issue seems so much more appropriate.

Going into the Baby store for the first time feels like someone threw you into a Kaleidoscope.

You traveled back in time physiologically to 18 and got everything back (acne, crying spells, mood swings, etc...) except your metabolism.

And lastly, You know this is your first time if...
you have spent considerable effort and energy creating a beautiful nursery when your friend lovingly nudges you and says, "you may want to buy some diapers, and bottles, etc... for when the baby comes home from the hospital." (Thank you L. She will know to thank you once she can speak.)


1 comment:

Ruby Red Slippers said...

Oh this is so true, and so funny!!!
I am laughing with you, not at you-been there!

Okay...the undies thing: They are ugly, but comfortable-maternity Motherhood.Yes, they look worse than granny panties, but for a while-they work.
They even have maternity thongs. Not that bad. Kind of. Well-they don't make you feel like an eighty-five year old...


I'm getting excited!!!