Tuesday, May 4, 2010

God is a God of restoration and second chances~ The story of a baby shower and so much more...

I am expecting my first baby this month. I was never in a rush to have children (I am in my 16th year of marriage), my relationship with my mother was sufficient cause for my fear of having my own children. I grew up with a very damaged mother who did not know how to deal with her own pain and issues, and therefore I became not her child to nurture, but rather someone cast in the role of filling up all of her needs. Every milestone in my life was stolen in her attempt to fill herself up. Every day an exercise in emotional abuse. I limped out of adolescence with a beaten, bloodied, self-esteem. I am not sure to this day she has ever been aware of me as person in my own right, with my own needs, desires, etc..., separate from her own aching need.

I have had lots of friends who have wonderful relationships with their mothers. I have witnessed the joy their mothers shared with them when they had their own children. I have enviously watched their mothers help out in the first, difficult weeks after the baby comes home, giving the benefits of their experience, easing the load, and sharing the beauty of it all. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never have this. Sometimes that was just an objective fact and sometimes it ached. Even though I knew my friends would throw me a shower, I knew that I would miss out on the whole maternal element~ the mom figure who would give me a day just for me, without any of her own entitlements coming in to play.

But God is a God of restoration! He is not defeated! And I have seen Him more than once give us back what He never intended us to be without.

Three years ago I started working with Ms. P. A woman who has been through some STUFF. If anybody deserves a pass to be bitter, it is she. But instead she is the kindest, most compassionate, loving, unencumbered person I have ever known. I have had the good fortune to stand under the umbrella of her wisdom, encouragement, and love. She has shared every moment of my pregnancy with me from the moments of grief through all of the triumphs. She has offered her advice, help, and joy. When she offered to throw me a shower, it was the topping on the sundae! Not only was the shower absolutely beautiful, but it was thrown with the intention of making me feel loved and special. It was one of the best days of my life. Something I truly never expected to have.

God is good!



Ruby Red Slippers said...

This was very encouraging to read-God provided what you needed!

Can't wait to see you on Thursday, and chat...

And...when are you showing me how to make my blog this amazingly cool!
I LOVE it!!!!

Dawn said...

how hard it must have been to write this down... i admire your honesty. i am so glad God placed someone in your life to hold up an umbrella for you... and then shower you with love.

Trudy said...

Yes, God is GOOD and He will make you the most loving and giving Mom because you have found your hope (and are still finding it) in Him. So happy for you!

kenzsethia said...

It is true...God will fill the spaces where we are lacking...mine are pretty huge! It's the best job you'll ever have though!